Kudos Again To Television

Score another one for television. I saw the premiere last night of the new reality show, “The Real Wedding Crashers” and was pleasantly surprised to see that the very first couple featured on the show was an inter-ethnic couple – black and white. Kudos to the producers of the show for being unafraid to have such a mix on the highly important very first episode. And I applaud their handling of the cross ethnic relationship in that they didn’t handle it at all. Not one thing was said for the entire hour of the show about their different skin tones. It was also a joy to see that the large number of people at the wedding were equally from both sides of the spectrum and showed that there need not be any reason to question the love of these two people nor any reason to treat this marriage any differently than any other.

I take note of these television events because like it or not, television is in every home and does play a large part in impacting our public consciousness. So whenever an episode like last night occurs, it is, in my opinion, something to be noted and to applaud. At least until such a thing is so very common that it passes completely unnoticeably. That day will come sooner or later.

The South Holds On Tight

This weekend my wife and I saw the most jaw-dropping news report on television. It was a story about a high school in Georgia (unfortunately I don’t remember which city) that was, for the first time ever, having an integrated prom. Oh yeah, you read that right. For the FIRST TIME EVER.

My wife and I were in a state of shock. We really didn’t even know what to say when we saw the news report. And not knowing what to say is very rare for us. It is just that in the year 2007, who would think there was a place where separation of the ethnic groups was still even going on. The report seemed so out of place.

In the report they interviewed some of the students who all seemed to say that the time had finally come to do this revolutionary thing. Oh wow. These kids were actually saying this as if they thought it was forward-thinking to be taking this step. And believe me; I applaud the kids for doing this, however late it is. But what does it say about their world that they would just now be coming to this conclusion? And according to the school administration, segregated proms were not school sanctioned but something the students had chosen to do over the years. But frankly, that is a cop-out by the adults in that city. Clearly they sanctioned this outdated duality and indeed the kids must have been getting their segregationist tendencies from somewhere.

But without indicting the entire South, this kind of report really makes you wonder about what life must be like in certain segments of this region of the country. A first ever integrated prom in the year 2007. Has that town been living under a glass bowl or what?

A Message For The White Majority

For today's post I am copying for you a story that appeared in The Daily Times, a Delaware newspaper. I came across the posting in the related news section that appears to the left on this page. But in case you miss it or it is gone by the time you read this, I wanted to make sure you read it because it is an important piece, not just for the intended audience, but for all of us.

A message for the white majority: We can overcome our racist history
By Joyce Mullins

It's sad that as we commemorate the 60th anniversary of Jackie Robinson's first game in major league baseball we must face the incontrovertible fact that America is still a racist nation. We -- and by "we" I mean the white majority of us -- can't seem to wash away the stain of our slave-holding history. It's more than skin deep, as is our fear of people of color.

We're racists not simply because Don Imus felt confident he would get laughs when he dredged Rutgers University's women's basketball team through the dirt in his own mind.
It's because it took CBS and MSNBC days -- not hours, but days -- to get Imus and his show, "Imus in the Morning" off the air.

It's that the big, white power boys of the American media thought it was OK to ignore the racist slurs in the banter Imus enjoyed with Bernard McGuirk, executive producer of the show and Sid Rosenberg, Imus' former sports announcer who was filling in that morning.
It's that the networks didn't have the backbone to act until AFTER sponsors started pulling out. Only money -- or the loss of it -- had the power to make these overgrown, overpaid playground bullies do the right thing.

Kudos to the sponsors, I guess. There's no way to be sure that they intended to take away the financial underpinnings of the show for the right reasons. Maybe they stepped up only because someone realized that the color of money is green and it doesn't work any differently coming from the wallet of a white person or a black person.

I hate to be such a skeptic, but where were the sponsors back when Rosenberg referred to tennis star Venus Williams as an "animal?"

If any closet, or for that matter any openly, racist readers feel tempted to justify the Imus exchange because of the disgusting, woman-hating language used by this or that rap star, just don't bother. As my late mother so eloquently preached, "Two wrongs don't make a right." There are no excuses for racism, not for grownups. Hating someone because they look different from us is so intellectually and emotionally lazy. We aren't born with hate in our hearts. As the song from "South Pacific" says, "You have to be carefully taught to hate all the folks your relatives hate."

So how do we stop handing down this ugly lesson?

I've always thought the public schools could do a lot more than the lick-and-a-promise kind of cultural teaching that's done. I didn't get to be the mommy in a bi-racial family without the help of my parents. It wasn't easy for southerners and I did start school in segregated Virginia. My dad anticipated that I might have some overcoming to do that first morning of my new fourth grade in integrated Pennsylvania. He said something simple and reassuring about looking for things that might be similar about the "little colored children" I was about to meet.

Before anyone leaps to the wrong conclusion -- "colored" was politically correct in 1949!

When I came home from school that day, I happily reported that the "little colored girl who sat next to me wore a dress exactly like mine!"

I wholeheartedly recommend my father's advice for us all.

Letting Others Define Who You Are

I read an interesting article recently on Halle Berry, one of my favorite actors by the way, where she talked a little about how she defines herself ethnically speaking. In the piece, she echoed something I heard Barack Obama, another Mixed - black and white - person, say once. She said she generally defines herself as black despite having a white mother because unless she wore a sign proclaiming her Mixed heritage, no one would see her as anything other than black. Again, I have heard this before, this notion that since people will see you, and treat you, as black, you are de facto black, so no point in proclaiming anything else. Now while I understand the logic, and agree that as far as my bi-ethnic kids are concerned, I would be remiss in not preparing them for what others will perceive them to be, I have for the most part, a huge disagreement with a concept that says you are only what others perceive.

Without a doubt, most people will judge bi-ethnic kids by what their predominant outer appearance is. But therein lies one problem. Bi-ethnic kids can look totally different so in essence we are saying forget their genetics and go by the darkness or lightness of skin, or the straightness or curliness of their hair, or the thickness or thinness of their nose, or by the way they carry themselves I suppose. So two bi-ethnic kids, say Asian and black, could, by this logic, be either black or Asian, depending upon whether their eyes were more Asian or American, or their skin darker or lighter. Unless of course you subscribe to the "one-drop rule" and simply say they are black regardless of how Asian they may look. And I have seen some blacks who "pass" for white or Latino. So by this logic are they white or Latino? See how silly this concept is?

But besides the silliness, my biggest problem with this notion of defining yourself based on what others perceive you to be is that it strips a person of all power to decide for themselves how they choose to identify. This is not to mention the danger of letting other, bigoted or ignorant, people tell you who you are when they know nothing about you but the exterior shell. The minute you let others dictate who you are, prepare yourself to be far less than your full self, and this goes for any and all of us, not just bi-ethnic people.

Now with that being said, being perceived as black or something else, should not be cause for alarm or shame. Indeed hopefully Halle, Barack, my kids, and all the other bi-ethnic children and people in the world, respond to this "you are what I perceive you to be" mentality with a pride in whichever ethnicity they are labelled as, and respond to it with a hearty "yes I am that and proud of it." Because to say anything more to someone who tries to classify you like that, will only come across as defensive or ashamed of that side of who you are. And yet, in responding to such a classification that way, bi-ethnic people should also not let it cause them to forget that though others may only see one-half of who they are, that is that person's problem, not theirs. And it is definitely too bad they cannot see ALL that you are because you are not half a person, even if others cannot visibly see that or have a hard time accepting or dealing with it. What other see walking down the street is all too often a matter of their hangups and history. How sad to let those people tell you who you are and what you should be.

Rap and Sexism

I am a big fan of rap music. Always have been since the early days of Afrika Bambaata and The Sugar Hill Gang. I think rap music and its influence on popular music of all kinds, as well as on world culture in general, are part of a the continuing contribution of black culture to the world. I also believe that some of the best rappers rap on subjects and issues that are deep and meaningful, and that they do have something important to say about social and other issues. Take a listen, a real listen if you don't know what I'm talking about, to "In The Ghetto" by Two Short, or almost anything by A Tribe Called Quest, or 'Jesus Walks" by Kanye West or even "Dear Momma" by Tupac. I could go and on. And if you doubt the influence of rap and hip hop on other forms of music, listen closely to Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears, Fergie, Gwen Stefani or any number of mainstream artists.

Now with that being said, that does not mean I like all rap music and artists. That would be silly. Any more than someone who likes rock and roll being expected to like all rock and roll songs or artists. Rap definitely has within it a segment, generally referred to as the gangsta or thug side, that is incredibly objectionable to me. I do not and cannot listen to that stuff. No doubt Imus and the others who are using this whole Imus affair as an opportunity to get on rappers and their awful language and message, have a point that there are those in the rap business who exploit and demean women. This segment oftentimes also condones violence and the ghetto lifestyle like it is something to look up to.

But while I disagree with and do not choose to listen to this vile stuff, I do not expect nor believe we can stop people from putting out this category of music, or some from buying it. Nor do I think we have the right to stop it. The difference between Imus and gangsta rap is people can choose to purchase what they want. It is a buying decision. And yet I think the public airwaves, radio or free television, are not the places for it to aired to the public, simply because it is indecent and does ultimately do harm to people, if only in a secondary way. Imus spewed his venom on the public airwaves. If he finds a way to make a living saying the same thing through the private market, then I have no issue. I don't believe we as a society should police everything people say. As long as it is not publicly backed or supported, stupidity should be allowed.

I think this whole debate in the aftermath of Imus is good though. I just don't want people to put all rap under this umbrella of degradation because that would be unfair and incorrect. Like everything else, there is good and bad in rap music. The bad, as much as I dislike it, has a right to exist as long as there are people who choose to support it. It just doesn't have a right to be out there in the public space where anyone can inadvertently come across it. I do wish those men (and women) who rap about the degrading things they do (and put out the videos they do) would make smarter choices. But we, as a society, cannot force people to be smart or enlightened. We just have to make sure their stupidity is contained to appropriate places where those of us who prefer not to listen to it do not have to.

Imus In The Morning

Don Imus has got to go. By now you have likely heard about the latest controversy surrounding Don Imus. If you haven’t, here is a synopsis. Last week on the air he referred to the women of the mostly black Rutgers women’s basketball team as a bunch of “nappy headed ho’s” sparking days of apologies as well as the requisite protests and speeches from many black leaders including Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, who have called for his immediate resignation. In response his station, as of this posting, has decided to suspend the shock jock for two weeks, which is, in my opinion, like that of many others, not enough of a punishment.

I am not a fan of censorship. Nor do I think everyone who says something stupid on the air should be fired. But in the case of Imus, this is not the first time. He has said other stupid, racist, sexist, and generally ignorant things on the air over his many years on the airwaves. At some point, enough is enough and I think this is enough, particularly when you’re talking abut federally regulated airwaves. Were Imus on satellite radio, like Stern, then I would give him more room for his idiocy. But these are public airwaves where he spews these hurtful statements and in that context it should not be allowed. He should be fired immediately.

This morning Imus appeared on The Today Show in an effort to further defend himself, but in doing so, he may have hurt himself even more. In an interesting strategy, he went on the offensive and made the point that while he had no right to use the word “ho’s” as a white man, he said the most common users of this word were black men who were the worst offenders at disrespecting black women. What an interesting strategy. It won’t get him off the hot seat. Nice try.

But with that being said, on this point, Imus is right on target. Black (and Latino) rappers frequently use this word, and many worse ones, in some of the popular raps being gobbled up by record buyers. And Imus is right; the word was largely the invention of blacks. Jesse and Al will not however spend as much energy challenging the immensely popular hip-hopsters as they do Imus for his use of the word. It would be too touchy a battle for them. It is easier to go after Imus since he is white and he violated the code that says though we can talk disparagingly about ourselves, you cannot if you are not part of the community. The “N” word is the same way. Rappers and some blacks use that word all the time, but boy don’t let Kramer think he can use it. It doesn’t work that way. Or at least that seems to be the code.

By the way, Imus’s offensive defense ignores what may have been as equally offensive in his rantings about the Rutger’s team, calling them “nappy headed.” His new strategy ignored that part of his statement entirely. At least for now, until he can find a rap or something where he can say he learned that from black people.

A Special Day For All of Us

Forgive me all you non-sport fans out there, but I cannot pass up the importance of a special day coming up this week on the sporting calendar. And actually, the more I think about it, the importance of this day, April 15th, and this milestone, is about so much more than sports. So actually whether you are a sports fan or not, this post is about something that has impacted your life as well, no matter what age you are, where you live, or what color your skin is.

This is home opening week at Dodger Stadium, the home of my Los Angeles Dodgers. But that is not what’s significant, at least not for most of you. This Sunday, the entire team, along with many other players around baseball, will pay tribute to one very special man who this week some sixty years ago changed not only the face of baseball and all sports forever, but who also changed the face of what America accepted as possible. For this game, every single member of the Dodgers, the team that had the guts and the sense to hire Jackie, will wear a jersey with the number 42, the number worn by the great Jackie Robinson, the first black person to break the color barrier in the major leagues, and the first person to prove that all people deserve a chance to prove themselves.

If you have never read anything about Jackie Robinson, do yourself a favor and find an article or a book on this true gentleman. Jackie Robinson was not only a great athlete, he was a great American and human being and his story is an inspiration for us all. It is debatable whether Jackie was the best ever at what he did on the major league baseball field. It is even arguable whether he was the best of the black baseball players of his era since so many others were not allowed to play in the majors, being relegated to the old Negro League. But what is undeniable about the man, and why I can’t help but hold him up so high, is that he hit those pitches, caught those line drives, ran those bases, with the weight of an entire ethnic group on his shoulders, and the eyes and often-times mental daggers of many in the white community, staring him down at the same time. And through it all, Jackie Robinson was pure class and always a gentleman. If you, no matter your gender or ethnicity, do not realize that when Jackie took the field he made life better for all of us, then you don’t really understand our society at all.

So today I, like the Dodgers later this week, salute Jackie Robinson. And I have even greater respect for my favorite baseball team for having the class to pay such a tribute to him this week. Go Blue!

A Truly Double-Edged Sword

The most recent edition of Sports Illustrated features a very interesting article regarding the 50th anniversary of the Little Rock Nine, as the nine brave black students were called, and the integration of Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas back in 1957. The reason the article is in Sports Illustrated is because the story is actually about the little known story of the boys on what was then considered to be possibly the best high school football team in the country, obviously an all-white one, and how the events swirling around Central High impacted their lives and their quest to extend a record win streak. It is an interesting look at another side of this historical event and what the writer tries to get across, and does to some degree, is how hard it was for so many of the white kids during this time of just wanting to fit in and be accepted, to do anything but keep their mouths shut and go along with the sentiment of the crowds clamoring for blood outside the school. Indeed this had to be incredibly difficult for these young boys, who certainly did not want to end up on the wrong side of the anger of the throngs of adults, including their own parents, threatening anyone who dared change their way of life. The underlying question being how many of us, especially as teens, would have stood up and taken a stand against that level of hatred, when the safest tack was to do nothing.

It is an interesting question. There is a part of me that agrees wholeheartedly with the writer and his clear sympathies with those boys whose historical football feat was being overshadowed by the political and social upheaval going on around integration and the troops patrolling their school grounds. And yet, it is also hard to overlook a situation where people, of any age, turn a blind eye to not only injustice but outright brutality. And let's be not mistaken, what the Little Rock Nine endured was brutality pure and simple. Frankly it is hard to feel a great amount of sympathy for a ruined football season, when you see pictures of little girls walking through legions of military troops with guns at the ready, all surrounded by crowds clamoring for their life, literally.

And at the same time reading the article does remind me that the stupidity of racism does not just hurt the object of the venom, but also the people who spew it and act on it, as well as all of the people who do nothing to step up and try to make a difference. There is no doubt that the young men of that football team were harmed tremendously by the outrageous and vicious bigotry that they witnessed from their own parents and neighbors. They were harmed not only because racism is a contagious sickness that many of them fell victim to, but also they were harmed because for those who choose to stand by and do nothing, to go along with the crowd, or even to stand in the shadows and keep a low profile, there is no escaping the deep, impossible to ignore knowledge, whether admitted or not, that what was going on at that time, was simply not right. Proof of the damage done even in this way was evident in many of the old men interviewed for the piece, who to this day were haunted not by what they had done, but more importantly by what they had not done, had not said, to either be a friend to one of those black children who so needed a friend, or said to any of their own peers who did take active roles in making the simple act of getting a decent education so difficult for any of those nine innocent children.

But do not get me wrong, I do have empathy for people caught in situations like this. And I do believe it is especially difficult for teens. But even when it comes to my own kids, I have to tell you, I intend to make sure they understand that the bar is high when it comes to stepping up and doing the right thing in the face of injustice. The stakes are just too high, not only for them but for all of us. Stepping up is indeed hard, but not stepping up is a cop out. We all have much too much at stake.

Bi-Racial Miss USA

I almost forgot to comment on the fact that our new Miss USA, Rachel Smith, is Mixed, half black and half white. And what a beautiful example she is of what inter-ethnic relationships can produce. She is just another example of the onward march of this new generation of Americans who will pave the way for what we define as race in this country. How fitting that she takes on this role at the same time we have a Mixed ethnicity man running for President. Get ready people, times are changing whether the racists like it or not.

I also read where the controversy over what to label Ms. Smith began almost immediately. Apparently Jet Magazine, a staple in the black community, wrote an article on her days after her victory proudly proclaiming her to be the latest black woman to win the crown. Funny how quick they were to claim her. And I came across another blog where there was a spirited debate regarding whether she should be called black or not. Thankfully many of the responses made the point that she should be called what she is, Mixed or bi-racial, and more importantly, American. Because as her victory attests, and Obama's ascendancy as well, being American is becoming more and more synonymous with being multi-ethnic. In time, that may well come to be the very definition of American. Wouldn't that be great?

Asian-Americans The Most Common And Accepted Mix

While most of the time when speaking of inter-ethnic relationships and children people tend to think of the black and white combination, actually the group that is most likely to date and inter-marry outside their ethnic group is Asians and Asian-Americans. And overwhelmingly, when Asians get involved outside their community, it is with whites. And for whatever reason, it is also the mix that is likely to generate the least attention or disapproval.

From stories I have heard and read, Asian-Americans are actually intermarrying at an incredibly high rate. So much so that there is alarm for some in that community. More often than not this is an Asian woman marrying a white male. Rarely is that the other way around. Why this is, I am not sure, but maybe it has something to do with the stereotypes of the modest Asian woman. But that is speculation on my part. Ironically with blacks, it is the other way around, where it is the male who is more likely to be the one involved in an inter-ethnic relationship. Again, I am not sure why this is and can only guess that maybe it grows out of the man typically being the one to take the lead in pursuing relationships. And yet that theory does not explain why black women are not choosing, in similar numbers, to date outside their group when the opportunity presents itself. I suppose the answers to these questions are best left to social scientists.

But what mere observation attests to is that there seems to be some reason that Asian-Americans intermarry so frequently compared to other groups, and why such relationships, and the children who grow out of them, tend to cause so few ripples. Of course I am glad to see that this is the case. I only think about it because maybe there is some lesson or guidance there that could help build acceptance of the other inter-ethnic combinations as well. Something to think about.

The Sexual Component

O.K., parental advisory, today's blog is not for youngsters. It is an adults only posting.

Today I want to chat about the sexual component of interracial dating. For many people interracial dating is about sex. This is probably rooted in sexual curiosity, stereotypes, and the long-standing taboos against it. If you don't believe how big a component of interracial ideas this is, just type in the word "interracial" into your web browser's search bar and notice how many porn and sex-oriented sites come up versus sites dedicated to loving relationships that fit this category. Frankly I even had to drop using Google Adsense, Google's ad software that can be placed on these blogs which basically work by searching for keywords in your postings and generating ads that might be appropriate for your site. Well that is a great concept and I'm sure works wonderfully for most blogs. But since race and interracial relationships clearly come in any keyword search on mine, I found myself having to constantly try to block ads that related to interracial sex or dating ads. I gave up. If I can figure out a way around that I may try again though, just to see if it is possible to attract ads that are more focused on love and relationships, as opposed to the old sexual taboo and all attracted by it.

Maybe in a way, it's not such a bad thing that so many people are attracted to interracial or inter-ethnic dating, because of sexual curiosity or attraction. I guess for many relationships, a physical attraction is the initial magnet anyway. And maybe for some of those drawn only by that physical component, they will eventually get past that and learn to see the other person for more than what they represent it, and grow to see them for who they are.

And yet, of course, it is also true that if all a person sees in another is the skin color or ethnicity, and that is what the attraction is rooted in, especially if it is sexual, then that can be a huge barrier to realizing that that person you are in bed with is more than just a physical thing and that they can be respected for something more. After all, many men have proven the ability to objectify women without respecting them as real people at the same time.

All I know is that it is certainly disappointing to realize that for many people, when they see an inter-ethnic couple, their perception is that the relationship must be rooted in sexual curiosity rather than real love. But as I said before, while I wish it were possible to look up "interracial" without all the sex links, maybe I should accept it as a good thing that while on the surface many people still seem to have a problem with such relationships, and yet under cover (pun intended) many are obviously attracted to and curious about such couplings.

Hey, whatever floats your boat I guess.