Watching History

There isn't much to add about what we all saw in the stadium in Denver last night. But I would be remiss if I did not go on record as saying what an absolutely inspiring scene that was. Like so many others have said, I never thought I would see such a sight in my lifetime, a Mixed Black person standing before a crowd, a stadium no less, of people, black, white, brown, Asian and otherwise, accepting the nomination of a party to be President of the United States. There is indeed hope that one day we will get beyond all this "racial" silliness.

Coincidentally, I have been reading a book right now about one of my heroes, Jackie Robinson, who broke the color barrier in baseball in 1947-1948. And it is interesting and a truly positive reality that in "just" 60 years or so, we have come from Jackie having to put up with the BS he had to just to prove he could compete with whites, to a man named Barack Obama standing in a sports stadium thisclose to being President. It certainly puts all this in perspective. Jackie Robinson, and so many others, opened the doors that have allowed Obama to walk through. I have no doubt, Obama will continue the tradition for others.

From The Mouths of Babes

Further proof that as adults we often, no, let me rephrase that, most of the time, we overcomplicate things that are really simple at heart, is the wisdom our 11 year old son put forth during a great conversation the family was having the other night.

We were talking about prejudice and different people getting along or not getting along for various reasons. And Lawrence decided to sum it all up. He said simply "There aren't any different races of people unless you come from a different planet, otherwise we are all the same species."

And there it was. I know most adults will start saying oh he's just a kid and doesn't understand yet what he's talking about. I say the opposite is true. As adults we try too hard to make things more complicated than they need to be. As I wrote about the other day, there are studies and studies analyzing "race" and behavior and all sorts of things. Ridiculous. Save your money. A child can probably tell you all you need to know. Racism and prejudice is learned from the overthinking adults, who learned it from their parents. And then because we all believe this crap to be true, it is ingrained in us and we act accordingly. Truth becomes what we believe it to be, not what it really is.

But a kid hasn't got all that built in yet. They aren't corrupted yet. We should listen to them. Maybe we adults could learn a thing or two.

An Update On Daughter Wishing She Were Other

I thought I'd fill you in on the latest with our daughter and her self-identity issues. The other day I wrote that she was wishing she had blonde hair and lighter eyes, which caused her mother and I much concern.

Well she seems to be dealing better with that issue. Her mother and I tried an interesting strategy that seems to have helped. Not soon after our daughter's pronouncement of wishing she had more anglo traits, she also informed us that she wanted to be in beauty pageants and that this was one of the reasons she wanted the blonde hair, light eyes and lighter skin tone.

My wife and I saw our opening. We pulled down from the Internet pictures of the last two Miss USA's and the last two Miss Universes. We knew what she would see and indeed it caught our daughter off guard. The last two Miss USA's are African-American and Mixed, both with brown skin, dark hair and dark eyes. Last year's Miss Universe is from Japan, dark hair, tanned non-pale skin and dark eyes. And the most recent Miss Universe is from Venezuela with brown skin, dark hair (when she doesn't dye it) and green eyes. The only one in the bunch with non-dark eyes.

Our daughter actually had a big smile on her face when she looked at the pictures.

But the true sign that this helped her was I found her yesterday writing a letter to "American Girl Magazine" in which she told me she was writing about how she used to want to look different but once she saw the recent beauty pageant winners, and that they too had dark hair, brown skin and dark eyes (mostly) she was happy with herself.

I was quite pleased.

Needless to say I know this is not the end of her issues and that the pendulum is likely to swing many more times on her self-image. And dealing with the downsides of what beauty pageant images can do to a child's sense of self in terms of beauty in general and weight issues as well. But for now, I have to at least be glad that these pageants have accepted a wider ideal of beauty at least in terms of skin color and hair color. It certainly proved to have an impact on our daughter.

The Tragic Psychology of Mixed People

We cannot underestimate the importance of understanding the social, psychological and experiential differences that may increase the likelihood of psychological disorders among this (biracial Americans) fast-growing segment of the population.

This is from a study conducted by The University of California - Davis. The article can be found here.

The study was primarily focused on "bi-racial" Asian-Americans apparently, but it seems to delve into an issue that some believe is true for all Mixed people, that they are psychologically damaged. It is not the first study to say that Mixed people, of all kinds, have more issues as teenagers and are more likely to get into trouble, be depressed, etc.

Frankly I think this whole phenomena is overstated, but it is worth noting and paying attention to.

"Racial' Superiority In Sports

Here is another reminder of how much work is still to be done. This one from the Olympics (I told you I'm an Olympics nut)

I came across a news piece this weekend on Michael Phelps, the swimmer, on his historic feat of winning 8 gold medals (don't remember where, I think it was a Yahoo news story). There were hundreds of comments posted on the piece, many simply applauding his effort and accomplishment. But there were a large number of posts that got into a back and forth on racial superiority in sports. How sad. There are people out there who just cannot resist digging up racial issues whenever and wherever they can. I mean this isn't Hitler's games when the veracity of his Aryan superiority theory was put to the test. And yet many years later, people still look at these things to prove whether one group is biologically better than another. Sad. But a reminder we still have work to do.

The Changing Concepts of Majority and Minority

Much is being made in the media of a report released today that says by the year 2042 whites will no longer be the majority.

Here is part of the report as covered by the Associated Press:

White people will no longer make up a majority of Americans by 2042, according to new government projections. That's eight years sooner than previous estimates, made in 2004.

The nation has been growing more diverse for decades, but the process has sped up through immigration and higher birth rates among minority residents, especially Hispanics.

"The white population is older and very much centered around the aging baby boomers who are well past their high fertility years," said William Frey, a demographer at the Brookings Institution, a Washington think tank. "The future of America is epitomized by the young people today. They are basically the melting pot we are going to see in the future."

First let me say I hope no one thinks of this projection as a bad thing. The more diverse our country becomes, the better off we will be. I think what divides us - the concepts of majority and minority and how we are all subconsciously trained to act accordingly - is partially impacted by the fact that historically one group dominated. Increasing numerical equality should impact our seeing more people of all cultures in our media, on televisions shows, on the streets, etc. That can't help but impact our society in a positive way in the long run. And yet I suspect there will certainly be some tensions as our country changes in this way. Groups largely underrepresented in the past, say Hispanics, may experience growing pains as they become, if they are not already, the largest ethnic group for example. And vice versa, there will certainly be some resistance from some whites who prefer America being overwhelmingly white. But I think any tensions will ultimately work themselves out and the necessary adjustments will be made. And in the end, our country will truly resemble a a more equally fabulous blend of cultures and colors, including surely increasing numbers of people who are Mixed (which by the way were not included in the population projections to my knowledge but who I know will also increase greatly by then).

By the way, don't be mistaken by the report. When it says whites will no longer be the majority, that is only true when you lump them against all other ethnic groups as if they were one. As a single group, whites will still be the largest demographic by far.

The Dreaded "I Wish I Were Other"

Well it has finally happened. That dreaded moment most minority parents fear will come at some point. Our 9 year old daughter came to us last night and asked how old she had to be to have surgery on her nose because she thought it was simply too big.

Oh. Boy.

Needless to say, my wife and I were appalled to her this but we we didn't blame her or jump on her for this all-too-common self-denial that happens to a lot of minority children in our society that bombards us with images of white standards of beauty. Of course we stopped her on the spot and gently tried to make sure she knew that we thought she was perfect as she was and make sure she understood that beautiful noses came in many sizes. She seemed to accept what we were saying but I could tell the belief that she wanted to be other was already in too deep for us to get it out of her that easily.

I wasn't wrong.

This morning she came to me and declared that "though she knew she was beautiful and all that, she wanted to try blonde hair and hazel eyes."

Oh. Boy.

Again, I calmly asserted how beautiful she was as she is but I also asked why she wanted these changes. Her only answer, that she thought blonde hair and hazel eyes were pretty and that she was tired of dark hair and dark eyes. To be honest I think I did o.k. to deflect her at that moment, but as prepared as I thought I'd be for this moment, I was somewhat at a loss.

My wife and I will have to discuss this one some more. Clearly we have some work to do. I don't think we've done anything wrong up to now, because I do think it is so hard to keep every bit of this "white envy" out in our culture, but we clearly have not done enough. By the way, we asked our 11 year old son if he was happy with who he was and his appearance and he said he was completely happy with himself. Doesn't mean we shouldn't stay vigilante or that he wasn't lying. So we'll up the ante there too. But I also recognize this issue strikes a bit harder on minority girls.

So despite our efforts and my vigilance on issues of "race" the self-esteem issues of cultural beauty have seeped in. I did not think we would be immune. But it is still tough when it happens.

A Truly Beautiful Ideal and Sight

I have to tell you I am an avid sports fan. Almost all sports. And I love all things multi-cultural. So you gotta know I absolutely LOVE the Olympics. And this year's opening ceremony! Wow!

But truly the best sight of the Olympics and the opening ceremony in particular is to see the wide swath of colors, cultures and ethnicities that the people of the world represent. And to see them getting along, at least for these couple of weeks, how wonderful. It shows getting along is possible.

And I have to add, while I tend to root for a lot of countries, particularly Japan, in addition to obviously pulling for the USA, I do have to admit that at times like this it is particularly nice to look at our delegation and see that in just our delegation alone, so many cultures and ethnicities are represented. It says a lot about what our country is about at its heart.

It Seems Like The Racial Divide Is Growing More Pronounced

An unfortunate irony of Barack Obama's rise to the top of the Democratic Party heap and his being thisclose to the Presidency is that contrary to his Mixed ethnicity bringing people together, there are some indications that racial ugliness may actually get worse. Wouldn't that be ridiculous?!

It seems like people who are predisposed to harbor racial prejudice are simply sparked to bring it closer to the surface because of Obama. And the people who are more open minded, more prone to want to strangle those close-minded ones who don't get what he can do for us or understand what he represents in terms of progress. The rift is getting bigger, it is getting harsher, more clearly divided.

Of course this isn't Obama's fault. He can't do anything about all that is put on his shoulders in terms of feelings on both sides of this divide. But somehow, I have to keep believing that in the long run, we will be better off that a "racial" ceiling has been busted and that people, from all sides, can see someone who looks different than others at his level have looked in the relatively long history of this country. The divide of prejudice and discrimination won't close as fast as we might have hoped, and it looks like it may actually widen a bit in the short run. But I do believe eventually it will close, maybe it'll be by inches not feet, but that's progress too.

The Language of Racism

I have been having an interesting internet discussion with someone over at one of my favorite sites "Anti-Racist Parent." Though slightly off topic from the original post that I was responding to over there, "How Should We Refer To The Race of Our New Baby," the brief discussion (which I sincerely hope to continue at the writer's own blog, "Mixed Race America," which looks to be quite interesting as well) dove into how important it is, or is not, to fight against the use of the term "race." If you are a regular reader of this blog, you know I believe that changing our language is one, if not the first, step to overcoming our insane focus on all things racial.

The point the blogger and I seemed to disagree on was whether it was possible to fight racism while simultaneously accepting the social construct that is race in the first place. And since I cannot fairly articulate another person's point, please check out her site or our discussion at 'Anti-Racist Parent." While she and I disagreed on this issue I totally respect her comments and viewpoint. We have a lot of work to do to make the world a more accepting place when it comes to issues of prejudice and racism, so there is plenty of room for attacking the problems from many different perspectives. The good news is that there are lots of people out there who are doing what they can to make a difference.

In the end, it is certainly true that the concept of race is unfortunately very real to most people. Personally, one of my contributions to the fight against the racism that results, is hopefully to get enough of us to stop accepting the foolishness of the racial concept and to stop buying into even the language that contributes to our acceptance. Words do not do physical harm, and therefore may not be our biggest concern. But words can create realities that lead to very real and very physical and psychological harm.

Few words can compare to "race" in terms of the importance that has been placed on it. So much so that even those fighting against the results that flow from the concept, even accept its usage as something too big to get rid of.

I just can't.

I am not foolish enough to think my bi-cultural kids will not have to deal with the siliness of "race" and racial identity concerns. But my wife and I also agree that what we will certainly do is teach them that dealing with the illusion of race does not mean they should continue using the language of "race" and racism. Whether that is a large or small step, is debatable. But what is surely not, is that the impact of that little word has come to mean so so much to so many people. How strange then, that it is a word that is biologically meaningless, with it roots in division. And yet it is uttered every day as if it is o.k.

"Race" Is Ego At Work

This post takes the discussion to a different level than usual, but I was just reading a book on Buddhism and the concept of the ego and it occurred to me that there is a relationship to our "racial" problems.

The concept in Buddhism of the ego is that it is this seemingly real construct that gets in the way of seeing things for what they truly are, and it is this construct that causes us to suffer as we try to live according to what we believe our identity to be.

The concept of race is just like that. So much of how people interact seems to be based on ideas about who we are and who we are supposed to be based on what we look like on the outside. All too often we then make ourselves live according to expectations and fitting in, more than we live according to simply being and what is "on the inside."

An interesting insight into our issue from the world of Buddhism.