Life's Lessons

Forgive me, but I’m going to go off topic for this entry. With my wife and I moving the family a couple of weeks ago to a new home, I’ve been thinking a lot about all the struggling and hard times so many of us have been and still are going through. Though we have made steps in some ways, like finding a wonderful house for us, we are by no means out of the woods when it comes to struggling to make things happen and to give the kids a sense of normalcy in a time when normal is not at all the norm.

Dianna and I often say we were in a recession before most people even knew there was a recession, or at least before the government would admit that we were in one. Needless to say it has been a long year or so of trying to maintain, and improve, our finances. Moving into a new house isn’t so much a fact of things getting better financially, as it is a fact of circumstances conspiring simply to make this choice the right one at this time. We have no illusion that we are better off, though others on the outside might think so. In fact we know that some would think that we are crazy to move up in house size and house payment at a time when the economy is so bad and money so hard to come by for us and so many people. And yet that is also a lesson of these times. Sometimes the right decision is not about money, but about options and opportunity. When you don’t have a lot of choices presented to you, sometimes you have to choose things you wouldn’t normally. And as I said before, these are not normal times.

And yet as I reflect on our situation, and hear so, so many stories from friends and others about how much financial, job, and family stress there is, I also think about the fact that no matter the situation, if we do not die from it, there is something to learn, to gain, to make us better. The only question is how am I better as a result of all this monetary craziness and struggling to make ends meet?

Part of me thinks that whole “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” stuff is just something made up by someone who was an overseer of men to make those who toiled for him feel better about putting up with his crap. But having been through many ups and downs in my life, I have come to realize that actually there is indeed truth in those words. Don’t get me wrong, I have had times when I was making money hand over fist and I have had times where I had no idea where the next dollar was coming from, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say I prefer those times when money is easy. But I can also say that I have indeed learned a lot – about myself, my family, my friends, other people and life in general from these down times.

Here are some of the things I learned in no particular order:

-that laughter is free
-that being optimistic, though hard sometimes, makes a big difference
-that my wife is a real trooper and can hang in there no matter what
-that my kids are as happy and full with food off the $1 menu as they are at a
regular restaurant
-that meditation works
-that nature is beautiful and free and all around
-that there are some really really good people out there
-that there are some real sour pusses out there who will enjoy your down moments and
that you have to learn who they are so you can avoid them even in good times
-that my kids have “gotten it” when it comes to learning that the most important
thing is that we are all together
-that my parents were a lot smarter and resilient than I ever gave them credit for
as a kid
-that having lots of money doesn’t make you better than someone else
-that having little money doesn’t make you less than someone else
-and that where you live, and the size of the house, have absolutely nothing to do
with who you are

I could go on, but these are some of the most important. In the end, I have to be grateful for having the opportunity to be a better person. I have often said the best way or time to measure a person in terms of who they really are is how they behave and respond to things going poorly. Most everyone is good and decent when things are going the way they want. It is how you handle the bad that separates you. So I’ll say this about these times, we’re all getting a chance to see not only how we personally handle it, but how those around us do too.

I try to look at every day as a new opportunity to not only make things better financially for my family, but to also see if I can become better at being. The financial thing is not always easy and I some days, many days lately, don’t do so well on that one. But the second daily goal is always in my power and doesn’t cost me anything. And though I can’t say I get better every single day, I do make progress. And the irony is not doing so hot on the first goal is the perfect opportunity and tool for me to do better on the second.

In that sense I guess I should be thankful for these hard times. But believe me, that doesn’t stop me from wishing this particular opportunity would finally pass. Hey I can also learn a lot, I am sure, from being on the upside, you know, things like humility and what not. So I’ll definitely be glad when I get the opportunity to be a better well-off person. The proverbial valley we’ve been in may not be that deep compared to what some others are experiencing, but boy it sure is wide. Guess for now, I’ll just have to keep on keeping on.