Life's Lessons

Forgive me, but I’m going to go off topic for this entry. With my wife and I moving the family a couple of weeks ago to a new home, I’ve been thinking a lot about all the struggling and hard times so many of us have been and still are going through. Though we have made steps in some ways, like finding a wonderful house for us, we are by no means out of the woods when it comes to struggling to make things happen and to give the kids a sense of normalcy in a time when normal is not at all the norm.

Dianna and I often say we were in a recession before most people even knew there was a recession, or at least before the government would admit that we were in one. Needless to say it has been a long year or so of trying to maintain, and improve, our finances. Moving into a new house isn’t so much a fact of things getting better financially, as it is a fact of circumstances conspiring simply to make this choice the right one at this time. We have no illusion that we are better off, though others on the outside might think so. In fact we know that some would think that we are crazy to move up in house size and house payment at a time when the economy is so bad and money so hard to come by for us and so many people. And yet that is also a lesson of these times. Sometimes the right decision is not about money, but about options and opportunity. When you don’t have a lot of choices presented to you, sometimes you have to choose things you wouldn’t normally. And as I said before, these are not normal times.

And yet as I reflect on our situation, and hear so, so many stories from friends and others about how much financial, job, and family stress there is, I also think about the fact that no matter the situation, if we do not die from it, there is something to learn, to gain, to make us better. The only question is how am I better as a result of all this monetary craziness and struggling to make ends meet?

Part of me thinks that whole “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” stuff is just something made up by someone who was an overseer of men to make those who toiled for him feel better about putting up with his crap. But having been through many ups and downs in my life, I have come to realize that actually there is indeed truth in those words. Don’t get me wrong, I have had times when I was making money hand over fist and I have had times where I had no idea where the next dollar was coming from, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say I prefer those times when money is easy. But I can also say that I have indeed learned a lot – about myself, my family, my friends, other people and life in general from these down times.

Here are some of the things I learned in no particular order:

-that laughter is free
-that being optimistic, though hard sometimes, makes a big difference
-that my wife is a real trooper and can hang in there no matter what
-that my kids are as happy and full with food off the $1 menu as they are at a
regular restaurant
-that meditation works
-that nature is beautiful and free and all around
-that there are some really really good people out there
-that there are some real sour pusses out there who will enjoy your down moments and
that you have to learn who they are so you can avoid them even in good times
-that my kids have “gotten it” when it comes to learning that the most important
thing is that we are all together
-that my parents were a lot smarter and resilient than I ever gave them credit for
as a kid
-that having lots of money doesn’t make you better than someone else
-that having little money doesn’t make you less than someone else
-and that where you live, and the size of the house, have absolutely nothing to do
with who you are

I could go on, but these are some of the most important. In the end, I have to be grateful for having the opportunity to be a better person. I have often said the best way or time to measure a person in terms of who they really are is how they behave and respond to things going poorly. Most everyone is good and decent when things are going the way they want. It is how you handle the bad that separates you. So I’ll say this about these times, we’re all getting a chance to see not only how we personally handle it, but how those around us do too.

I try to look at every day as a new opportunity to not only make things better financially for my family, but to also see if I can become better at being. The financial thing is not always easy and I some days, many days lately, don’t do so well on that one. But the second daily goal is always in my power and doesn’t cost me anything. And though I can’t say I get better every single day, I do make progress. And the irony is not doing so hot on the first goal is the perfect opportunity and tool for me to do better on the second.

In that sense I guess I should be thankful for these hard times. But believe me, that doesn’t stop me from wishing this particular opportunity would finally pass. Hey I can also learn a lot, I am sure, from being on the upside, you know, things like humility and what not. So I’ll definitely be glad when I get the opportunity to be a better well-off person. The proverbial valley we’ve been in may not be that deep compared to what some others are experiencing, but boy it sure is wide. Guess for now, I’ll just have to keep on keeping on.

Skin Color Is A Useless Way To Define Who We Are

Oh Man I want to see this movie. Check out the trailer below. The movie, called "Skin," is based on a true story about a white woman, in that she was born to two white parents in South Africa, though she had brown skin and African features. Here is what was written about the film on The Loop website:

It's an odd story really, a black girl born to white parents in apartheid South Africa in the 1950s. It may be odd, but it's the real life of Sandra Laing.

She was at the premiere of the film based on her life, Skin, at the Pan African Film Festival in Los Angeles Wednesday night to prove it.

The film synopsis calls Sandra's brown skin and coarse hair texture "a genetic abnormality."

Well, that "genetic abnormality" is otherwise known as a throwback gene. Someone in the Laing clan was passing (for white) and those genes popped back up in Sandra.

The film drew parallels to America's own segregation history and how absolute the racial lines were. Just one little drop of black blood could dramatically alter the course of your life.

The apartheid was indeed more severe, and lasted a good 30 years beyond segregation laws in America. Still, Sandra Laing's experience was the same as countless other mulattos in America — eventually you have to choose a race. And choose she did.

Sandra Laing was beaten, ridiculed and then disowned by her parents after she became pregnant by a black man. After that, she didn't see her mother for 20 years and never saw her father again.

Interestingly enough, the film has sparked conversation and an opportunity to learn from South Africa's grim history. The film's director, Anthony Fabian, showed the film to the South African parliament, and they immediately requested another viewing and are making showing the film mandatory in all schools. (Read about how black history is taught in America.)

How wonderful that a country with such an extreme racial history is so willing to remember and learn from the mistakes of the past. Talk about a push toward post-racism.

Seems like the United States is behind. We're still debating whether we should continue Black History Month now that we have a black president and refusing to talk about our own racist past.

Go figure.

If ever there was an example of the stupidity of our racial classifications this story is it.

Congratulations Tiger and Elin

Congratulations to Tiger Woods and his wife, Elin on the birth of another child, a boy. The pic above is them with their first child and Tiger's mother. What a wonderful picture of the ideal of no more race.

What An Awesome Responsibility

I was just watching my kids, unbeknownst to them, the way parents do some times when we are amazed that we have brought these wonderful little people into the world, and was thinking, what will the world hold for them in the future?

Are we making the right choices on what we do with them, what we teach them?

Will they end up anything like we expect and hope them to be in terms of their morals and attitudes and behavior?

Thinking about it, you realize how little control over it you have as parents and yet how awesome the task is in trying to steer them to where we hope they end up. I can only hope that some of what we teach, both intentionally and unintentionally, since much of what they learn from us won't be things we thought we were teaching, gets through positively. And I certainly hope, and believe it will be the case, that their ethnic mix, will be something that gives them strength and a perspective that gives them a leg up on being the type of people that will do something, even in small ways, that make the world better than it was when they came into it.