The "N Word" Resurfaces

You know how you can be doing and feeling so good some times and then one seemingly little thing can bring you down?

I had one of those incidents not long ago. My wife and I were walking back from somewhere to our condo, down a fairly busy street in downtown Burbank. It was, as usual, a beautiful day in Southern California and my wife and I were enjoying the weather, our conversation and life in general.

As we neared one local movie rental shop, an older homeless woman, I think she is Anglo-American, a regular in this area and probably the only homeless person we ever see around Burbank, was camped out at a bus stop in front of the store. We didn't think anything about her as we'd seen her before and though we knew her to be a bit grumpy, we knew she was harmless. So we kept on talking and walking on our path that would take us past her seat at the corner stop. To our complete surprise, she looked up as we were about to pass her and proceeded to yell quite loudly, "GET OUT OF HERE NIGGER! GET OUT OF HERE!"

Now imagine our shock. I hadn't personally heard anyone call me that directly since I was in junior high in Texas during some racial strife at our school. The last thing I expected was to hear it on a street in Southern California, and from a homeless woman no less. It's something when even a homeless person thinks they are better than any black person. You just have to shake your head sometimes. And the funny thing is Dianna thought the woman was talking to her, and Dianna is Mexican-American. So I'm still trying to convince Dianna the words were not meant for her.

Needless to say, Dianna and I kept on walking and didn't stop to say anything to the woman. What would be the point? She is clearly a bit not right in the head and there would be nothng to gain. But I have to admit, hearing those words definitely shook us up a bit and its hard to get them out of your head. Dianna and I soon went back to our conversation but of course the incident has remained with us. In some ways, I think it was more upsetting to my wife than to me. I'm not sure Dianna has ever really heard the word used so forcefully and so negatively, and targeted so directly.

The old woman is still on the street and we have walked past her since, though we take a wide berth and avoid going directly in front of her if we can. Some might argue why let her get away with that, even causing us to alter our path in anyway. But I think this is one of those sitations where there is nothing to gain in dealing with a possibly mentally ill person. Were it a different individual and a different situation, no doubt we would take a different action.

But you know since that happened, I do ask myself, how whould I have responded if my kids had been present when the lady said something like that? In that case, I think I would have had no choice but to confront the lady directly, or a least say something back to her, not name calling of course, but some comment to let her know her words were stupid and uncalled for. And of course I would have had to have a conversation with the kids about her words and action. But since it was just me and Dianna...

But it does make me think that though we have warned our kids about the existence of stupid people out there, knowing that sooner or later, they will definitely hear something ignorant said about and to them, can it ever be enough to prepare you. Like I said, Dianna and I are older and wiser and we were still literally shocked to hear those words directed at us/me.

Oh well, I take the incident as a reminder that we have to stay aware that ignorance is still alive and well and that it exists everywhere. But it is still so disturbing to have something like that happen to you.

Being Mixed In Texas

We just got back this past weekend from a trip to Texas (Austin and Port Arthur) to visit family for Thanksgiving. It was a good trip, though we drove all the way there from L.A., some 22 hours straight one way. Hey times are hard and flying was out of the question. It was well worth it seeing all the family, on both Dianna's and my side.

But what was particularly interesting to me on the trip, which hadn't happened in three years, was noticing again the reactions or looks we got from people when they saw our Mixed family. We get so used to be in L.A. where we hardly get noticed at all, that I completely forgot about the fact that in many parts of the country, like Arizona, New Mexico and especially Texas, seeing a Black and Mexican-American couple, and their bi-ethnic offspring, are not the norm. While we did not get any reactions that were overt or negative, I certainly noticed there were plenty of times when people gave the family the double-take and that long, slow glance at all of our family. If only I could have read their minds. That is the only thing that would have made it more interesting. And needless to say, the looks of curiosity were definitely more noticeable in the small towns we would stop in to gas up or to use the restroom facilities.

Ah, life in America. I had to hold myself back from saying to these people, "Get used to it, more like us are coming soon." But I think driving through these towns and red states with the "Obama '08" sticker plastered on the back of the car was enough tweaking of their noses we needed to do.

A Truly Double-Edged Sword

The most recent edition of Sports Illustrated features a very interesting article regarding the 50th anniversary of the Little Rock Nine, as the nine brave black students were called, and the integration of Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas back in 1957. The reason the article is in Sports Illustrated is because the story is actually about the little known story of the boys on what was then considered to be possibly the best high school football team in the country, obviously an all-white one, and how the events swirling around Central High impacted their lives and their quest to extend a record win streak. It is an interesting look at another side of this historical event and what the writer tries to get across, and does to some degree, is how hard it was for so many of the white kids during this time of just wanting to fit in and be accepted, to do anything but keep their mouths shut and go along with the sentiment of the crowds clamoring for blood outside the school. Indeed this had to be incredibly difficult for these young boys, who certainly did not want to end up on the wrong side of the anger of the throngs of adults, including their own parents, threatening anyone who dared change their way of life. The underlying question being how many of us, especially as teens, would have stood up and taken a stand against that level of hatred, when the safest tack was to do nothing.

It is an interesting question. There is a part of me that agrees wholeheartedly with the writer and his clear sympathies with those boys whose historical football feat was being overshadowed by the political and social upheaval going on around integration and the troops patrolling their school grounds. And yet, it is also hard to overlook a situation where people, of any age, turn a blind eye to not only injustice but outright brutality. And let's be not mistaken, what the Little Rock Nine endured was brutality pure and simple. Frankly it is hard to feel a great amount of sympathy for a ruined football season, when you see pictures of little girls walking through legions of military troops with guns at the ready, all surrounded by crowds clamoring for their life, literally.

And at the same time reading the article does remind me that the stupidity of racism does not just hurt the object of the venom, but also the people who spew it and act on it, as well as all of the people who do nothing to step up and try to make a difference. There is no doubt that the young men of that football team were harmed tremendously by the outrageous and vicious bigotry that they witnessed from their own parents and neighbors. They were harmed not only because racism is a contagious sickness that many of them fell victim to, but also they were harmed because for those who choose to stand by and do nothing, to go along with the crowd, or even to stand in the shadows and keep a low profile, there is no escaping the deep, impossible to ignore knowledge, whether admitted or not, that what was going on at that time, was simply not right. Proof of the damage done even in this way was evident in many of the old men interviewed for the piece, who to this day were haunted not by what they had done, but more importantly by what they had not done, had not said, to either be a friend to one of those black children who so needed a friend, or said to any of their own peers who did take active roles in making the simple act of getting a decent education so difficult for any of those nine innocent children.

But do not get me wrong, I do have empathy for people caught in situations like this. And I do believe it is especially difficult for teens. But even when it comes to my own kids, I have to tell you, I intend to make sure they understand that the bar is high when it comes to stepping up and doing the right thing in the face of injustice. The stakes are just too high, not only for them but for all of us. Stepping up is indeed hard, but not stepping up is a cop out. We all have much too much at stake.

Who's More Racist?

I just thought about something I have heard on at least two occasions that I find to be incredibly ridiculous. It was said, by different people on different occasions, that black people cannot be racist since we have no power.

What an incredibly silly, and erroneous, concept. I was reminded of this idea, harbored by not a few people, because of someone I saw on a talk show who clearly held a similar viewpoint. While the technical definition of racism may well include the notion of power coupled with bigotry, the common idea, and therefore the practical definition of a racist is simply someone who bases their perception of other people, and therefore their actions toward them, on their racial or ethnic make-up. And under that concept, believe me, I have met quite a few black racists. Indeed, I would put some of the black racists I have met on level footing with some of the white ones I have encountered or heard of.

Bigotry and stupidity are not owned by whites. While they have certainly been in a better position to enact hardships on those who they perceive as less than, it is unfortunate but true that many minorities have adopted mirrored beliefs and behaviors, and for those that have, I have no doubt they would act no differently if given the power and opportunity to demonstrate their biases.