Can We Talk Our Way Out Of Bigotry?

I was thinking the other day about the focus of this blog (well I guess I think about it everyday to be honest), and an interesting thought hit me.

Is it possible to get beyond a "race" focus by focusing so much attention on it? Is it at all possible, like some argue, that by thinking about race or racism all the time, we risk making it more of a big deal than it is? To see it where it is not?

My blog is titled "No More Race" because I would like to see our society and world get to the point some day, even if it is long, long time from now, where we no longer define each other and our relationships by what color our skin is or what ethnic group we belong to. And yet I write about race almost every day.

Obviously I know the base belief that the only way to rid ourselves of the racism disease is to point out its usage and its effect on our society. And that is ultimately the reason I do believe it is important for those of us who write on his subject, or are activists on this subject, to speak out whenever we can. As in medicine, you have to target the problem to get rid of the problem.

But I do believe I and others have to be careful to not see a problem where there is none. And to also draw attention as much to positives in this area as to negatives. Which is why in this blog I try to focus more on examples showing where Mixed relationships and people are moving forward and making a difference than I do on examples of ugly discrimination against them. I do believe that more can be done to move us forward by focusing on positives than negatives.

But it is an interesting irony is it not, that the goal is to focus on racism to get rid of racism. Maybe it is better to look at it as shining a light since we all know that people tend to behave more as they should when their is light on them than otherwise.

Is The Mixed Child Internal Conflict Avoidable?

My wife and I are both reading Barack Obama's first book, "Dreams From My Father." It is very clear reading it that Obama experienced great internal conflict growing up part Black and part White. Frankly I was surprised at just how much turmoil he went through trying to figure out his place, just where he fit in in our still polarized society and world.

I have read or heard of other Mixed people growing up not knowing where they fit in, of feeling caught between two worlds. This is generally true when the mix is White and Black, which most people unfortunately consider to be polar opposites. Not having grown up with that I cannot really know what that is like. But I have also heard of some who say they never really had many problems with their status. So who knows, maybe it is a factor of where you grow up and how your parents handle it.

Obviously it is my hope that our two kids do not struggle with their identity or feel some sense of ethnic isolation. As I have said before, in an effort to try to make this less of an issue, we chose to move to Los Angeles from our native Texas and our home in the midwest specifically to make sure that they would at least grow up in a city that had many ethnic groups and where ethnic mixing was not so uncommon.

But I am not naive enough to think that this will inoculate them from racism. We just wanted to give them a chance of at least seeing more people that looked like them and realizing that they were not oddities like they might be in some other places. But I suspect that as they get older the time will come when indeed they are challenged to "fit in" to one group, to pick a side. And maybe they will be conflicted. I do think to a small degree being that they are mixed with two "minorities", Black and Mexican, that it will be less of an issue than if they were Black and White. But still there are certainly Blacks and Mexicans who will challenge their identity.

As a parent, all I can do is hope we have provided them the tools and the self-esteem to deal with the natural identity issues that any teenager goes through, their Mixed status being an added "bonus." Already I get some indication that they see themselves as the best of all worlds, something to be proud of for being Mixed, since we have always pointed out to them all the famous and successful Mixed people there are in the world.

So when the conflict comes, if it does at all, right now I feel confident that these two will do just fine. And if not, I hope at least, my wife and I can help them steer their way through it.

Which Group Is More Accepting of Mixed Relationships?

My wife posed an interesting question yesterday? We were talking about yesterday's blog about the Indian father having his black daughter-in-law killed since he couldn't accept her into the family while the woman's family had no problem accepting her Indian husband. We tied that to the situation in our family where my family has no issues with my wife being a different ethnicity from me, yet her Mexican Mom and has made it clear she does have issues with Blacks. This made my wife wonder why is that Blacks seem more accepting of interracial relationships and children than do whites and others? Or, she wondered, was that an accurate assessment.

My answer to her, though I couldn't say I had any empirical evidence to support my opinion, only anecdotal, was that while she and we shouldn't be fooled, there were plenty of blacks who had very harsh opinions about mixed ethnicity couplings, it was indeed my experience that Blacks were more likely to accept these relationships over all. At least in my experience.

I think this is true because Blacks have long accepted the notion that to be Black means so many things. We come in so many shades and hues, hair textures, body types, you name it. And we also have long known that our ancestry in America was mixed with the blood of Native Americans, Whites, Hispanics, you name it. It is not uncommon at all for Black families to have at least one Mixed relationship in their extended family.

Now increasingly this is also true of all groups, thankfully. But I think it is just something Blacks have had to accept much sooner in our history. The idea of "racial" or ethnic purity is just not as important in our culture. At least to most. So here's to hoping on this, other groups catch up to Blacks on this one.

Hatred Is Not Just a Black and White Thing

A story out of Atlanta was reported in the news yesterday (link below) about an Indian (as in from India) who was convicted of murder for hiring a hit man to brutally murder his son's wife, who was also the mother of his grandchild since they had just had a baby, simply because she was black.

Yep.

He did it because of the "shame" on his family because his son had married the woman.

Apparently the Indian man's son knew his family would have issues with the marriage, due to their acceptance of India's strict caste system where lightness and darkness of skin color makes a huge difference, and had tried to keep it completely hidden from the family. But clearly they found out.

Just goes to show that racism is certainly not just something between blacks and whites and not just an American thing. Indeed it could be argued that nobody does discrimination better than India did due to that centuries old and deeply ingrained and enforced caste system. Just a reminder of how much still remains to be done on a global scale.

Oh by the way apparently the murderer's son has done the family right this time, he remarried - an Indian girl this time and he has no contact with his own baby who is being raised by his former wife's parents in Atlanta.

Here is a link to the story:

http://abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/story?id=5237459&page=1

Is Obama "Bi-Racial Or Black?"

That was the question CNN or some other mainstream news organization posed in one of their major pieces the other day. The problem with the question is the basic problem with our society in general. We have an insane need to categorize, to fit everything into neat little boxes. And making that instinct worse, is the further need to define everything in "black and white terms." You are either this or that, is the conventional wisdom. You cannot be both.

How silly.

At the end of the day, the nature of Barack's family tree gives him the freedom to choose to identify himself any way he chooses to. That is his personal choice and one he seems to have made based on how people see him when they look at his skin tone. While I would love it if he had chosen to bring light to the mixed ethnicity moniker by identifying as mixed, multi-racial or bi-racial (despite my being against any usage of "race"), I do understand why he has made the choice he has, as I do when Halle Berry calls herself black. Though for Obama it is much more political since he risks great push back from his black base if he were perceived to be shunning "blackness."

But back to the main point. It is not necessary to say whether Obama is Black or Bi-racial. He is both. It would also be equally correct to identify him as White, Hawaiian, Multi-Racial, any of the above. They are all absolutely correct. Now I do applaud the media for trying to get this right. I have been known to write to editors and journalists myself to make sure they noted a person was mixed and not "black" when they did not acknowledge the distinction. My purpose in doing so is always to point out that to simply label a person black (or any other single ethnicity) when they are more than that, buys into the racist concept that whites are pure and blacks and others are not. But to move that discussion into a pure either-or question is still missing the point.

Progress won't come easy I know. At least they did bring it up, is one way to look at it. But hey, I'm still pushing for them to go all the way to accepting and understanding the new reality.

The Trouble With In-Laws

My wife and I have been having a big discussion about whether or not we should limit our kids' contact with her parent's, our kids' grandparents, since they are quite undeniably racist.

The thing is they are not the kind that has ever or would ever say anything that is blatantly bigoted in front of me or the kids. They are the kind that is more subtle than that. They tend to simply make it clear that our kids are just not as on par with the other grandchildren, that they are "less than" and more of an interesting and cute amazement.

That does not mean my wife has not heard them be more direct in their opinions of blacks when she was growing up and when we were dating. She certainly heard the "N" word on many occasions let's say. And based on other comments they have made to her, it is not like they have become more enlightened since the kids have been around these 11 and 9 years.

The good thing is we live in Los Angeles and these grandparents are in Texas so we don't really see them all that much anyway. But of late my wife has come to the conclusion that she has had it with putting up with their attitude. I have always felt we should limit our time around them since I am not one to fake affection or hold my tongue. But at the same time I have also been concerned of damaging the kids by keeping the away from their grandparents, concerned that that could also do harm since the kids would at some point wonder why they could not see them and ultimately learn of their views anyway.

This week, thanks to posting a question on the wonderful site, "Anti-Racist Parent" we got some good advice from others, and the overwhelming consensus seemed to agree it was more important to keep the kids away from anyone who treated them with disrespect than to feel obligated to a familial tie that was not loving.

My wife and I had pretty much concluded that. Frankly I am still not sure we will never allow them to see their grandparents on my wife's side (my family has no issues with their multi-ethnic make-up), but we will certainly make it very very limited visits. We know we can't keep them protected from stupidity all their life, it is just so much more complicated when that idiocy is within your own family.

Like James Brown Said, "I'm Back!"

After spending some time working on a broader concept for my blog over at "A Different Way" I have happily and excitedly decided to restart this blog again. It seems no matter how hard I try and no matter what my other interests, nothing seems to motivate me more in terms of social causes and political/social discourse than the issue of race relations and multi-ethnic relationships and children.

So I am back at it again and look forward to focusing again on these issues. So much has happened since I was last here, from the primaries and general election to other national and world affairs that I think bringing our issues to the forefront and again demonstrating just how critical it is that we increase our efforts to improve the "racial" dialogue in this country, is of supreme importance.

So come back, join the discussion when it suits you, or just read and think about what is printed or appears here in the news or video section. I am so happy to be back!